There and Back Again

Pondering: A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. (Robert Frost)

It has been ages since I’ve written anything.  This is worrying because it’s either I haven’t had the time, in a long time to write, and/or nothing’s happened to me in a long time that’s worth writing about.  Worst, I may have lost my imagination and what little creative side I have.  A sad thought.  When I was young, I always seemed to find the time to write about anyone or anything.  I could look at something and have the drive to jot a few words to describe that something – to capture it and memorialize the moment.

I am not a good writer, mind you, nor was I born with the wildest imagination. But when I write, I express myself in ways I can’t verbally.  That’s why I’m happy when I have written something, even though no one will ever read it or find meaning from it other than myself.  My written mumblings are extensions of myself, or my mind.

I’m afraid, as I get older, that I am beginning to not pay attention to things around me.  That I am so caught up with life’s tasks, of getting them done and moving on to the next task just to get it all over with.  I’ve stopped experiencing the moments in between or learning from the experiences.  Like most people, I am just living and breathing and existing.

I know that I have because I sit here in my cramped airplane seat, on my way to Vancouver, British Columbia, unable to remember the past few days, the last few months and what I have done in those in-between times.  I can’t remember the last time I was excited, or the last time I was truly, truly happy or truly, truly sad so that I could write about it.  All I remember is that I survived each week.  And what little memory I have of things I’ve done this week and the week before all start and end the same way.  I’m no longer making memories – I’m merely doing the same thing over and over again.

Pondering: Beauty and sadness always go together.Nature thought beauty too rich to go forth upon the earth without a meet alloy. (George MacDonald)

Some pictures or images invoke a feeling of sadness and happiness. These ones I found while perusing Google Images brings a melancholy for moments that happened before my time.

The Kennedys

Charlie Chaplin

The Beatles

Brian Jones (The Rolling Stones)

The great Albert Einstein

The original Rolling Stones

Pondering: It’s all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. (Mick Jagger)

I saw this question at some random website, can’t remember anymore which one: if you were a songwriter, what songs do you wish you composed? If I were a songwriter, these are the songs I wish I wrote (in no particular order):

• Eleanor Rigby (John Lennon/Paul McCartney)
• Real Love (John Lennon)
• Get Off Of My Cloud (Mick Jagger/Keith Richards)
• Enjoy the Silence (Martin L. Gore)
• Baby, I Love Your Way (Peter Frampton)
• Hey There, Delilah (Tom Higgenson)
• Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright (Bob Dylan)
• Fearless (Richard Wright/David Gilmour)
• All Through the Night (Jules Shear)
• The Frog Prince (Tim Rice-Oxley et. al.)
• River (Joni Mitchell)
• Don’t Panic (Chris Martin, et. al.)
• If You Could Read My Mind (Gordon Lightfoot)
• She’s Got You (Hank Cochran)
• Yesterday (Lennon/McCartney)

Pondering: Sailing on summer breeze and skipping over the ocean like a stone. (Harry Nilson, Everybody’s Talking)

Pondering: Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

I am overjoyed when I read what my dear nephew Mike August (now fondly called Mique) is up to nowadays. Last time I saw him, he was only a baby - five years old, I think. Now he’s in the brink of achieving all that his heart desires. There’s no going back now, he’s headed for great-dom, no matter what happens.

Pondering: One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. (Elbert Hubbard)

I got tagged, so I had to…. The rule is, once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you and tag other people to do the same.  So if you are reading this, consider yourself “tagged.”

1. I absolutely love the color blue and all its shades, except aqua blue.
2. Just my luck, aqua blue was the motif of my dear sister Marizza’s wedding.  As bridesmaid, I had to wear a satin aqua blue dress, which was just horrible, in my opinion.
3. I love to read mystery books, especially espionages, but only if the characters are not too old.
4. I am not a big fan of Radiohead or U2 and for that I feel something’s wrong with me because everyone seems to really like these bands.
5. I absolutely enjoy watching a good TV series on DVD – commercial free is the best way to follow a TV show.
6. One of my all-time favorite books ever is Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane.  The other one is On Chisel Beach by Ian McEwan.  This is the book I wish I wrote.
7. I dream of one day going back to Austria.  The first and last time I was there was in 2001, in the Tyrol region.  I fell in love with the place and I dream about it all the time.
8. I would like to spend the rest of my days after retirement in Paris, France selling flowers to tourists at the Notre Dame Cathedral…
9. … Or in a cabin in Lake Tahoe or some other coastal town in California just reading or knitting sweaters in the morning and writing crappy stories in the evening.
10. My drink of choice when out for a nightcap with friends is gin and tonic.  Either that or wine.
11. I absolutely hate summers and love the fall/winter season.
12. I love the month of October because it’s the fall season, because of Halloween, and because it’s my birthday month!
13. If I weren’t doing what I’m doing now, I would have been a college instructor.  Teaching, I just realized, is one of my greatest passion.
14. I love crossword puzzles.
15. If God descended from heaven and told me I could have dinner with anyone – famous or not, dead or alive – I would pick songwriter Tim Rice-Oxley (Keane).  Brilliant, brilliant person, in my opinion!
16. I am so tired of Beyonce – can she shut up already?
17. I’ve never been to New York.  In fact, I’ve never been to the East Coast of America.  I should, one day.
18. My favorite cities to visit are Paris, Vancouver and London.  Least favorite – Seattle, Washington (no offense to Seattle natives).
19. My ideal day is spent in bed with a really good book or a good horror movie while outside it is raining like crazy!
20. I would love to have a dog.  A big dog, if possible. Though beggars can’t be choosers, so a small dog will do as well.  My dream dog is a Golden Retriever named Griffey.
21. I am the youngest in a family of seven.  My brothers and sisters names are: Marizza, Mike, Mercedes, Bong, Jun and Mi.
22. At a recent staff retreat, we were asked to jot down three words that either define us, motivate us or that we live by.  My three words were: Think. Options. Travel.  I truly believe that one always has options to consider and if one would just think about these options before proceeding, one is better off in life.  I also believe that all work and no play makes everyone dull, so every now and then I think about traveling and just going away.
23. I believe in God and all His goodness, but I am hardly the devout Catholic I was growing up.
24. “It’s not always a misfortune being overlooked,” by J.R.R. Tolkien is one of my favorite quotes.
25. The thing I value most in life is freedom.  I can’t imagine a life where I am not free to think and decide for myself.

Pondering: Gravity release me and don’t ever hold me down, now my feet won’t touch the ground. (Coldplay)

Coldplay video at its best. Most hilarious!

Pondering: People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get. (Frederick Douglass)

A new year is once again upon us. There is trouble brewing in the horizon but the world still looks forward to a new year, a new start. It’s a new time - a new chance to turn things around and make lives a little better than it was in 2008 and the years before that.

Life is difficult at the moment, the economy is down, there’s talk of recession, unemployment is higher than it’s ever been, everything is expensive, businesses are going bankrupt, and people are losing their homes. Mr. Obama is facing numerous challenges, issues far worse than stopping a senseless war in Iraq. No new president should have these many challenges facing him just as he starts his term. But he asked to be the leader of this nation and so I hope and pray he succeeds, not only because I like the guy, I think he’ll try his best, but also because we really do need him to turn things around.

For this new year, I have resolutions though they never work, and hopes. First off, I hope for a healthier lifestyle. Maybe this is the year I will finally do it. I also hope to finally get the inspiration for the book/story I want to write. I have ideas in my head but they all seem shallow, unoriginal and unrealistic. One day, I’ll just start writing and see where it gets me.

This spring, I will begin work on our little garden, finish crocheting the afghan I started a year ago, learn more knitting patterns, and start another eBay store to get rid of books I will never read again. This year, I will be more diligent in taking my 4-mile walks on the weekend and try to work late less. I will go back to school. I already have my eyes on an online certificate program on human resource benefits and compensation.

And finally, this year I will be thankful for all the blessing I continue to receive and believe that things will get better - they always do.

Peace and love for the new year to all I know and don’t know…

Pondering: Dear Lord… The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here’s the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won’t ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. (Homer Simpson)

Books Read That I’m Keeping on the Shelf

• On Chisel Beach (Ian McEwan)
• A Man Without A Country (Kurt Vonnegut)
• The Wrong Kind of Blood (Declan Hughes)
• Still Waters (Nigel McCrery)

Movies Watched on the Big Screen

• The Happening (so-so, though I love M. Night Shyamalan in general)
• Wanted (if only to get a quick glimpse of the great Marc Warren)
• Transiberia (loved it, plus Eduardo Noriega was in it)

Favorite TV Shows of 2008

• Criminal Minds (hands down!)
• Life (who can’t love Charlie Crews?)
• House (if only the old crew is back some more)
• Dogs 101 (makes me want to get every dog featured in the show)
• TMZ (tasteless indulgence, funny as hell)
• Amazing Race (still the best and only worthy reality show out there)
• The Tudors (saucy!)

Memorable Moments/Things

• Barack Obama being elected as the next president of America
• Kevin Garnett finally winning an NBA ring
• Coldplay and their colorful butterfly confetti
• The release of Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends
• Discovering friends and relatives in Facebook
• iPhone and all its copycats
• Going green
• Succession and workforce planning

Moments I’d Rather Forget

• The rise of the Jonas Brothers and all other Disney wanna-be singers
• NBC’s coverage of the 2008 Olympics
• The entire season of the SF 49ers (as are the other years)
• Beyonce’s Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) routine (trying too hard, B!)
• Suffering from food poisoning (or was it stomach flu) on Christmas Eve
• The stock market crash
• Lay offs, store closures, foreclosures, bankruptcies

Memorable DVD Movies Watched

• TransAmerica
• Jesus Christ Superstar (HD)
• Old Joy
• Control
• Lars and the Real Girl
• Time to Leave (French with subtitles)

Pondering: When Christmas bells are swinging above the fields of snow, we hear sweet voices ringing from lands of long ago, and etched on vacant places are half-forgotten faces of friends we used to cherish, and loves we used to know. (Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

In a few hours another Christmas celebration has come and gone. At my age and at this day and time, I still believe in Christmas and what it means spiritually and religiously.

Christmas, foremost will always be the birth of Christ for me. So despite common trend saying it is politically incorrect to use the word Christmas and the symbols that we’ve grown to associate with this day, December 25th will still always be Christmas to me. Jesus was born on this day and that is why we rejoice. We share gifts with each other, much like the three kings showered the babe with incense, myrrh and gold. Some folks call the holidays differently and I respect that. I call it Christmas and that is what it always will be. Does that make me culturally insensitive? Maybe to some, but I think not.

Second of all, Christmas is just the happiest season of the year. It’s the one time when people try to be nice to other people and try to do a good deed. We don’t do a lot of that lately and to do it at least once a year still make a huge difference in someone’s life. I can’t remember a Christmas when I wasn’t happy. No matter what was bothers me or worries me, they all go away on Christmas day (including this year when I suffered food poisoning on the eve of Christmas). Opening gifts and giving gifts lifts up my heart. Some people associate it with stress - stress of getting the perfect gift in time, having the money to spend, yet it’s not like that for me. Seeing people smile when they open up presents make me smile.

But I am always sad too, when Christmas day is almost over. There is a void that settles in my heart - all the shopping has been done, all the cards sent out, all the excitement of decorating and throwing parties has passed. In a week’s time, we’ll be celebrating the dawning of a new year and I will have to wait eleven months before the excitement of the season starts again. Eleven months is nothing, it feels like it lately, but it is still a wait. I still wish, after all these years that it was Christmas every day.

It’s now 11:50 p.m. - time to turn off the fireplace, the Christmas tree. All the wine’s been drank, dinner put away, left over dessert saved for another day. Outside the wind is howling. A storm passed on Christmas eve, sounds like another one is coming. With a heavy heart I bid the holidays a fond farewell and patiently - oh, so patiently - I wait for next Christmas to come.